Archive for December, 2006
Extrememe
My new year’s resolution is 72 dpi. ~ Do the keyboards in prison have escape keys? ~ Whoever made up the word assassin put the word ‘ass’ in there twice. I’ll bet they killed that guy. What was he thinking? ~ I’m going to put you in a world of Al Hirt. I hope you [...]
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Old Anxiety
I cannot tolerate intolerance except for this one instance. ~ You have to break a few eggs to make a mayonnaise joke. And for all your trouble the thing’s not even funny. Fucking mayonnaise. And what kind of family name is Hellman? Their ancestors were from hell? And they want everyone to know? And now [...]
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Throw Another Blog on the Fire
Astrophysicists do it with black holes. ~ I admit I have trouble making commitments, just don’t quote me on that. ~ My pugilist hit me up for a raise. I said nice fist. You make that yourself? ~ I think my girlfriend is faking her sarcasms. I said you can’t hide your rolling eyes. She [...]
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Symptomy
I deny ever visiting the Holocaust Museum. ~ Whenever life gets me down I always try to knee life in the crotch, or if I can work my arm free, I’ll try the two-finger eye poke. Then when life reels back in agony I might just feel a little better. ~ I can’t decide which [...]
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Omnibust
I just read a really good bookmark. ~ She said don’t flatter yourself. I said yea but if you want something done right. ~ I believe that marriage is an affront to the institution of bachelorhood. Bachelorhood is defined as the union between one man and one compact disc collection. All these heterosexual ‘couples’ insist [...]
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Hypobottomless
I am omniabsent. I’ve never been anywhere. ~ You think about it, all travel is space travel. You’re not driving through solid rock. I tried that once and believe me you want to stay in the spaces. But not the handicap ones. ~ I embarked with my dog up the wrong tree. ~ My girlfriend [...]
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Philophiliac
Gay Darwinism is the survival of the flittest. Tonight on Bravo. ~ I have a feeling the joy levels in Mudville were not that high to begin with, even before that Casey guy struck out. Mudville? He was probably depressed from just being in a place like that. And then he had to stop that [...]
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Pistachio Rides
I renamed myself eponymously. ~ Microphones are a lot bigger than I expected. Cell phones too. ~ I’m a control freak. I like to control substances. Now everybody hides their substances from me. ~ It’s time I got off my high horse. He’s way too stoned to ride safely. ~ My keyboard had a keystroke. [...]
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Substickler
I don’t think, therefore I Amway. ~ Every cloud photograph has a silver nitrate lining. ~ I said what’s the point of bumpers if you can’t use them? But the guy was too pissed off to reason with. ~ If I was sentenced to death I’d ask if I could be hung like a horse. [...]
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